Wednesday, April 30, 2008

So that's their game, eh?

It took me a while to conquer this bad boy, but I figured out how to enable comments on this blog. I didn't even know that the option wasn't already there. However, this means I must now write something comment-worthy. And I'm not particularly inspired right now.

How about my top/bottom five worst films? Eh?

5) The Omega Code:
If you haven't seen this film, let me give you a few reasons why you should: a) it was funded by the Christian Television Network b) one of the characters literally falls on his knees and says "Save me Jesus!" in a crucial scene...and Jesus actually saves him! c) they blow up tiny models of landmarks that don't look remotely like anything but models.
Finally, it stars Caspier Van Diem, who you might remember as "Jonny Rico" in the best bad/good movie of all-time, Starship Troopers.

4) Charlie's Angels:
Oh I didn't see this one coming. One night my now-wife then-girlfriend Sarah suggested we watch this on DVD (she owns the DVD, but that's for another list). I had avoided it in the theater because I assumed it would suck. Did I know it would suck this badly? No! Not even with the distraction of the lovely Lucy Liu, I couldn't believe the cinematic carnage before my eyes. I started a bottle of wine when the film started, and yet that didn't improve it. Was it supposed to be satire? If it was, I think the movie just turned into to what they were satirizing.

3) Congo:
This one hurt. It's a good book. It's a terrible movie. One of the worst aspects is watching Tim Curry struggle with one of the strangest accents ever heard on film while trying to keep a straight face as Albino Gorillas circle their camp. And poor Laura Linney, what a waste of a great actress. The exchange after she finds the magic-crystals-that-power-the-experimental-gorilla-killing-laser-gun is fantastic:

Random Guy - "What about them!" (refering to the gorillas. They are surrounded by hot lava at this point, making it more exciting.)
Laura Linney - "Put them on the endangered species list"

I was a bit surprised that she didn't lapse into an Austrian accent whilst reading that line.

Note: A girl let me put my hand on her leg while I watched this movie. That seemed like a big deal back then.

2) Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
I know, let's shoot God with photon torpedoes! From start to finish this is the worst Star Trek film by leaps and bounds, and it's no surprise that Shatner directed it. When I was showing Sarah all of the Star Trek films via netflix last summer, I had to skip over this one. I just couldn't bring myself to let her see it (although that would've been good retribution for when she made me watch "Charlie's Angels")

1) Batman and Robin
Thom Yorke wrote a much-misunderstood review of this movie several years before it came out. It was misunderstood because he wrote it in a song that came out several years before the film did. It's not common knowledge that Yorke has pre-cognitive abilities, but clearly he was talking about Batman and Robin when he intoned the lyric "EVERYTHING IS BROKEN!" from 1994's "Planet Telex"

There are certainly worse films out there, but these are the ones that came to mind and I felt like writing about. Plus, I generally avoid shitty movies.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

GTA IV and buying a house

First this:
It looks like Sarah is pushing me into adulthood once again.

A house seems to be in our very near future.

I don't like moving. But we're not moving out of town. I like the little hole we currently live in. But she doesn't dig the apartment living, and it looks like we can actually swing a house, so here we go!

I know this is a bit after the key moment, but how many of you have seen training day? As no one reads my blog the answer is zero, but that is a great film. Denzel owns and pretty much every scene is intense. Actually, I'm not sure it's a great film, but definitely one of the most entertaining I've seen in a long time. Ethan Cock puts in a good performance as well. The scene where the Mexicans almost kill him in the bath tub - gar!

And this:
GTA IV is out now and I don't have it yet. I hear it's the best game ever. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this concept because I've never been a big fan of the series (except for the running-over-pedestrians game that I play over and over in GTA III, there doesn't seem to be much more to the game). Plus, there's always been the issue of horrible gameplay, which I hear is finally fixed. I'll believe it when I see it.

This is the end.


Monday, April 28, 2008


This is my Fantasy baseball team. You may root for
the following players when you watch baseball.

C - Russell Martin (Dodgers, of course0
1st - David Ortiz (Red Sox)
2nd - B.J. Upton (Tampa Bay)
Short Stop - Michael Young (Texas)
3rd - David Wright (N.Y. Mets)
Outfielders - Torii Hunter (L.A. Angels), Magglio
Ordonez (Tigers), Jeff Francour (Braves)

Starting Pitchers - Derek Lowe, Adam Wainwright
(Cardinals), Eric Bedard (Seattle), Greg Maddux (San
Diego), Randy Wolf (San Diego), Tim Hudson (Braves),
Roy Oswalt (Astros), Kyle Loshe (Cardinals), Shaun
Marcum (Toronto), Carlos Silva (Seattle), John Lackey
(Angels - when he gets off the disabled list)

Relievers - Saito, Billy Wagner (Mets)


This makes me happy:

Thursday, April 24, 2008

How come no one told me about this earlier?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Who knew I still had a blog?

Call me crazy, but I think only the woman has to push during a pregnancy. I don't think the baby has to try to get out. It's not like doctors are yelling into a woman's vagina "Hey you, little guy, come out!" No, he's yelling "push!" That is directed towards the pregnant woman, I suppose.

Things that have happened since last blog post:
-fantasy sports
-1000's of essays graded
-carbon monoxide poisoning averted
-pour gasoline make it burn higher
-food goes in I get bigger
-Speedy thing goes in Speedy thing comes out
-Flat screen TVs
-Nasal Strips
-Champagne, bibles, custom clothes you own
-Stay up late get up early

I've never noticed that there is an area below for labels, but if you wanted to put a certain blog post into a certain catergory, you could do so. Their examples are weird. "Scooters, vacation, fall" Um...o.k. vacation and fall, but scooters? Are there people out there who write about scooters? Do more people write about these three things since they are suggested? I want to know these sorts of things.