So that's their game, eh?

It took me a while to conquer this bad boy, but I figured out how to enable comments on this blog. I didn't even know that the option wasn't already there. However, this means I must now write something comment-worthy. And I'm not particularly inspired right now.

How about my top/bottom five worst films? Eh?

5) The Omega Code:
If you haven't seen this film, let me give you a few reasons why you should: a) it was funded by the Christian Television Network b) one of the characters literally falls on his knees and says "Save me Jesus!" in a crucial scene...and Jesus actually saves him! c) they blow up tiny models of landmarks that don't look remotely like anything but models.
Finally, it stars Caspier Van Diem, who you might remember as "Jonny Rico" in the best bad/good movie of all-time, Starship Troopers.

4) Charlie's Angels:
Oh I didn't see this one coming. One night my now-wife then-girlfriend Sarah suggested we watch this on DVD (she owns the DVD, but that's for another list). I had avoided it in the theater because I assumed it would suck. Did I know it would suck this badly? No! Not even with the distraction of the lovely Lucy Liu, I couldn't believe the cinematic carnage before my eyes. I started a bottle of wine when the film started, and yet that didn't improve it. Was it supposed to be satire? If it was, I think the movie just turned into to what they were satirizing.

3) Congo:
This one hurt. It's a good book. It's a terrible movie. One of the worst aspects is watching Tim Curry struggle with one of the strangest accents ever heard on film while trying to keep a straight face as Albino Gorillas circle their camp. And poor Laura Linney, what a waste of a great actress. The exchange after she finds the magic-crystals-that-power-the-experimental-gorilla-killing-laser-gun is fantastic:

Random Guy - "What about them!" (refering to the gorillas. They are surrounded by hot lava at this point, making it more exciting.)
Laura Linney - "Put them on the endangered species list"

I was a bit surprised that she didn't lapse into an Austrian accent whilst reading that line.

Note: A girl let me put my hand on her leg while I watched this movie. That seemed like a big deal back then.

2) Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
I know, let's shoot God with photon torpedoes! From start to finish this is the worst Star Trek film by leaps and bounds, and it's no surprise that Shatner directed it. When I was showing Sarah all of the Star Trek films via netflix last summer, I had to skip over this one. I just couldn't bring myself to let her see it (although that would've been good retribution for when she made me watch "Charlie's Angels")

1) Batman and Robin
Thom Yorke wrote a much-misunderstood review of this movie several years before it came out. It was misunderstood because he wrote it in a song that came out several years before the film did. It's not common knowledge that Yorke has pre-cognitive abilities, but clearly he was talking about Batman and Robin when he intoned the lyric "EVERYTHING IS BROKEN!" from 1994's "Planet Telex"

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There are certainly worse films out there, but these are the ones that came to mind and I felt like writing about. Plus, I generally avoid shitty movies.