Monday, December 15, 2008

I still haven't seen Bolt

Just sayin'



1) Dolphins beat the Niners. Yippee.

2) It seems to me that perhaps at least part of the reason that the PS3 hasn't taken off yet is because there are A LOT of people out there who are content to continue playing their PS2. I have no data to back this up.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

"I heard you like to shoot Niners' fans." "Niners' Fans got no reason to live."

It seems that every other time I flip over to the NFL network, I see the retrospective on the Patriots’’ 2001 season. Naturally, this includes the infamous “tuck rule” game between the Pats and the Raiders. Now, if I was a Raiders fan, this fact would either drive me to staple my testicles to my thigh or immediately call DirecTV and tell them to shut that fucking channel up.

Speaking of Bay area football fans, I’m pretty much surrounded by mouth-breathing Niners fans who are still convinced that it is a good idea to pay Vernon Davis 23 million dollars to catch one pass a game. As such, I don’t think I’ve ever been more anxious about a football game than the upcoming Niners/Dolphins match up. This has been a great year for Dolphins fans thus far. After going 1-15 last year, almost anything (*cough*Lions*cough*) would’ve been like a removing a plastic bag from a toddler’s head after 25 seconds of blue-faced suffocation, but the fact that they have 8 wins with three more games to go is nothing short of having Scarlett Johansson rub your crotch for 25 seconds. If the Dolphins lose this game to the Niners, however, it will be like it is Michael Jackson rubbing the aforementioned crotch instead of Scarlett. If I have to listen to Niner fans boast about their dominance over the ‘Fins, it will be insufferable even if the Dolphins miraculously win the Superbowl after several NFL teams die in a series of unrelated and tragic plane crashes.

Sarah is out of town today, which means that I have the house to myself. This changes very little, since she has given up on transforming me into the kind of guy who wakes up at 7:30 on Saturdays to pull weeds, mow the lawn and fix something mechanical. The only real difference is that I’m probably going to call everyone I know, which is what I usually do when she’s gone. I’m not lonely. I swear.

This mostly-depressing semester of school is nearing its end, and I can’t help but hope that next semester will be better despite all evidence to the contrary. It’s also quite depressing that I’m a thirty-year-old man that still measures the passage of time in terms of “semesters.”

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Like repeatedly banging your head against a dead horse

-I'm not sure why I continue to play Madden '09 online. My record is somewhere around 40-80, meaning that I've spent 100+ hours playing a game that I only win one out of three times. This is by far worse that the only other year I played over a hundred games online, 2006. With the fantastically entertaining Gears of War II and the RPG adventure for fetish Fable fans, Fable II, it's amazing that I'm still playing Madden. The reason for my continued Madden playing is two-fold: It's still football season and every win is extremely sweet due to scarcity.

-The same sentiment could apply to fantasy sports, and in particular, fantasy football. I have three teams and I finished 8 out of 8, 11 out of 12 and 5 out of 12. My records, respectively, were 4-8-1, 4-9, and 8-5-1. This is just bad. Considering how much time I spent tweaking with these teams and my studious attitude towards professional football, these records are tremendously saddening. It's difficult to put so much time into something, only to fail miserably.

-Sarah has been sick all weekend plus Friday, so naturally this is not just a case of the sniffles. It's odd to think of a pregnant woman being sick, actually. It seems like insult to injury. I hope that didn't come off the wrong way, it's just that she's going through so much with the whole entity-growing-in-her-body-like-a-parasite thing. I do feel bad for her a lot of the time - I'm predictable glad that I'm not a woman. I'm not concerned with being a loving-nuturer. I'll leave that to the Christians...
-Speaking of which, my recent slide from agnosticism to quasi-atheism is leaving me feeling somewhat nihilistic. However, the extreme relativism and skepticism that has me leaning this way is mostly ethereal and intellectual, so in practice I'm still more of an agnostic than anything. It's similar to the way I view determinism, yet live like I have free will. I've been reading too much Bertrand Russell.

-I'd really like to get back into basketball, but it's difficult when I never get any Lakers games on TV. Look, I got Directv's baseball and football deluxe packages, so I just can't bring myself to get NBA league pass. If anyone wants to buy it for me though, I'm down.
-With two more weeks until break, my stress level has decreased significantly. I know what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it. This is probably the reason why it's a good idea to plan more than one-week in advance. Next semester, I swear, I'll do it.
-On a similar note, I'm starting to wonder if I should really teach AP English next year. I'm not sure that I grade enough essays. For example, this semester, I've only graded three essays for each student (which still works out to 400+ graded essays) and this makes me feel guilty. I'm slothful. Perhaps I should just teach those classes for kids who are having a tough time passing the high school exit exams. I'm quite sure that I would've passed that test by the time I was a 5th grader. You'd be surprised how little the average High School student knows.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Is there any possibility that any religion would enjoy using this as their offical poem?

Sometimes, when I
am immersing myself
in various philosophical and
logical thought, I feel lost,
like a theologian, a bible
no guide for adversity,
I suddenly find myself
in various philosophical and
logical rumination, no cost
not lost, just a bible.

Would anyone believe that poem is legitimately religious, or is the sarcasm to thick? Is this poem offensive? Or is it just like a poem a 14-year-old Goth kid with dyed black would write in his basement while jerking off to pictures of other 14-year-0ld Goth kids with dyed black hair?
Was that previous statement offensive?

David Chappell is zelously raises comedy to high art, like in the classic R-Kelley parody:

Monday, December 01, 2008

The Pledge of Allegiance

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation under God, indivisible, With Liberty and Justice for all."

O.K. a few questions:

1) With a clear reference to a theistic nation, isn't reciting this in the classroom a clear violation of the separation of church and state?
2) Why are we pledging our allegiance to an inanimate object before we even mention the country to which we are pledging our allegiance?
3) Doesn't the whole concept of a pledge seem anathema to a free society?

By the way, the "Under God" portion wasn't added until 1954. You know, because of the Commies.